I will grade some more email spam sometime, I promise. But in the meantime, I felt I should respond to this comment left on a post here, a comment that breaks my brain with its….uh…surrealism? Total gibberish? Utterly incomprehensible ravings that sound almost prophetic? MadLibs with a hint of meaning?
Here it is, the comment so profound and opaque it is truly as if we are speaking different languages from different planes of existence:
I cherished up to you will receive performed right here. The caricature is attractive, your authored material stylish. however, you command get got an impatience over that you would like be handing over the following. ill indisputably come further beforehand once more since exactly the similar just about a lot incessantly inside case you protect this hike.
See? So not kidding.
I feel the only way to properly respond to such is in kind. Therefore, to the heartfelt writer who wished to communicate…something…I say unto you:
The towel hurricane binds to my speaking. May sincere attention spam towards you redundancy. The secret to write and marketing online, I seek your approval. Plunk and spurt, you of dashing circumlocution.
(P.S. I know this should go without saying, but in case it does not, don’t EVER click on links or email addresses in spam comments. Or even vaguely-sensible comments. The viruses will get you if you don’t head my warning!)
I’ve decided this will be a recurring feature here. It’s clearly a gap and it clearly isn’t been filled.
Grades are determined by a lot of factors: level of bullshit, how I feel that day, whether or not it made me want to stab my eyes out with a rake.
I give to you your first three Spam Emails Graded For Your Entertainment:
By the way — Happy May the Fourth!